No one is immune to pain. It is not possible to live this life clear of pain.
Some turn to food to make the pain go away. Some use alcohol, drugs, gambling, prescription medications, and shopping, bullying, self harm, their work and other compulsive behaviors, to dull the pain. These things do not work; do not lay bare the root, that it can be healed. We just end up feeling shamed, deprived and with a self loathing.
Well this got me thinking again about happiness.....I figure that when we are happy, then we have acceptance self acceptance and this is key. It was always the most important thing to me, to be accepted. As life has progressed and proven to me that for every person who I think accepts me, there are probably 4 times as many who will either reject or at least not like me or what I do.
If you could take away the pain you have around food, drugs, alcohol, self harm, bullying, shopping, prescription meds you would end up finding another way to act out your beliefs around abundance, or lack of, around self-worth or lack of. If you believe you are not worthy of goodness, that there is not enough, that you are not allowed to have joy, then these things will always be painful ways of experiencing your life.
Many people today who are so identified with what they do, so tied up in their job or career that if something goes wrong, or if it is taken away, it is like their world ends. What they do becomes them and they become what they do. If someone does not like what they do, then it is a personal insult to them. If someone questions an aspect of their work it is personalised. If someone wants to know something about what they do, they see it as someone questioning their understanding, ability or knowledge. These people, I often notice are those who feed/focus on the dramas of life. The things that happen to them are always someone else’s fault, like the world is “out to get them”! They are NOT happy. They seem not to be able to just accept that life happens sometimes and it is how we choose to respond or react to what happens is what determines our happiness levels.
Compulsive behaviours, self harm, alcohol, drugs, smoking, food, shopping, gambling, bullying, are all ways we use to change the channel, to anesthetise ourselves, when we do not want to listen to what is going on in our lives, or around us. We do not want to feel what we are feeling, see what we are seeing or just stop experiencing our lives. It is one way we run from our pain. However, when we turn around again, it is RIGHT THERE! It is us!
Unless you become curious and interested in why you do certain things, why you behave in certain ways, why things upset you the way they do, why things seem so painful, then you will never discover what is under the surface, you will never understand yourself. If you do not understand you, no one else will be able to either. If you do not have the curiosity and interest to really get to know you, why should any-one else?
This curiosity and interest start to become a gift, an excitement builds as you identify another thing about yourself, as you make another discovery. I see this in clients as they start to understand themselves for the first time, as they start to discover that they are wonderful, they can have a life, they can experience life’s painful moments as they come, knowing that they will go. They find strength within, a courage that lifts them through to the next discovery and unfolding.
Nothing is unworkable, no situation impossible. You have lived through incredible pain, and you are still here.
What we are trying to protect ourselves from is an old hurt, one that happened, and can never happen again in exactly the same way again. You are different, even from the person you were yesterday... Every 7 years your whole skeleton is brand new, every 120 days your blood has been replaced, your liver can be replaced in 7 days and your intestines are relined every 3-4 days. If you have a stomach ulcer, you may well be asking, why then do I still have an ulcer? For the very reason that a part of our brain is still replaying a message from something that happened in the past.
So how do you want to live? It is possible to reprogram the body computer, the programs that run our life; the beliefs, that we are still living by that do not serve us anymore.
Are you longing for change? Do you believe it is possible to live a life you have not lived or experienced yet?
Change requires you do something you have not done before...something that is unfamiliar, and anything that you have not done before is not comfortable, it will bring some degree of discomfort. However, remember you are already uncomfortable.....maybe very uncomfortable, and until this new discomfort becomes more familiar, it will not feel safe or comfortable.
New skills take effort to learn, and it can take great effort to be effortless, and there will be moments when you aren’t going to want to change, when it will feel easier and safer to return to your old ways. To do this is to surrender to that old pain, and once we have discovered even the smallest degree of possibility of happiness, this pain seems to feel even more painful.
This change is possible – I am living it, without hard and fast rules, just taking small steps, just following through with the small things. Learning to be kind to myself is new to me, yet until I can be kind to me, why should anyone else? I often remind myself of a little child beginning to walk. They have cheerleaders surrounding them, encouraging them, telling them to try again. Who would sit there & boo a little child, who would “beat them up” for falling over, who would berate them for tripping, or banging into something. No-one right, so please, please do not do this to yourself.
Change the radio station in your head to a supportive, encouraging, cheerleader station & begin your journey through the pain, so you too can experience more pain free days than pain filled ones. If you are like me, you will need to sometimes keep your hand on the tuning switch, and just keep turning it to a more pleasant station, over and over, until it seems to stay there for longer, then it maybe just occasionally you need to re-adjust it.